Piranha 3D

Review by Box Office Magazine

Are you a breast man? An ass man? Or a fish man? Either way, there’s plenty of all three in this bloody spree by French director Alexandre Aja. The script is ridiculous, the bodies are great and the film skates so long on the line between knowingly bad and bad that by the time the body count hits 100 and the booby count hits 1000, we’ve lost track of the difference. The post-production 3D lacks depth, but at least unlike Clash of the Titans, the shots were always meant to be a converted; it’s a cheap way out, sure, but fan boys blown away by a shot of 3D DD jiggling underwater have other priorities. Piranha will take a bite out of the next two weekends’ box office and quickly go extinct, but will linger on in its target audience’s fantasies.

Sunny, scenic Lake Victoria is under attack from invaders. Not man-eating fish (yet), but 20,000 spandexed Spring Breakers, all in various degrees of intoxication and undress. Deputies Ving Rhames and Elisabeth Shue (playing a mom of three) are entrusted to keep order when into their harbor swims an oily predator: Jerry O’Connell, the producer of Wild Wild Girls trolling for fresh flesh. Model Kelly Brook lures Shue’s 17 year old son, Steven R. McQueen, and his crush, Jessica Szohr, into O’Connell’s net–or really, his luxury yacht–and they set sail for a day of soft core porn shoots just as scientist Adam Scott realizes a fissure underneath the lake has unleashed prehistoric piranhas. “There’s thousands of them–and they’re pissed!” he yelps.

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Review by Big Daddy Kev

The movie has porn stars, boobs, violence, cheesy dialogue, legit jump scares, high tension, more boobs and more extreme violence all involving deadly fish. What more could you ask for in a movie entitled Piranha 3D? If you go into this film expecting a coherent plot, good dialogue and great acting, you will leave disappointed. Piranha 3D is like attending a party except for there’s a lot of nudity and people getting eaten by fish. So, I guess it’s nothing like attending a party but hopefully you catch my drift. Alexandre Aja, who also directed The Hills Have Eyes and High Tension, has crafted a well-executed campy B-movie that will leave audiences feeling like doing back flips in the theatre. The movie is so high energy and is completely self-aware of how stupid it is. Though, that works both ways because the stupidity becomes the charming factor of the movie. Charming may be a wrong word choice considering this is one of the most violent and nudity-filled films I have ever seen.

I absolutely hate 2D to 3D conversions yet this movie worked because it was used as a gimmick. The film is so self-aware that when body parts and dead piranha’s starting flying at your face, it makes for a great laugh. Wait until you see which body parts will be in your face. This year has been a horrible year for 3D movies including conversions for Clash of the Titans, Alice in Wonderland, The Last Airbender, etc. Therefore, it was a bit refreshing to see 3D used in a fun way.

Piranha 3D stars Steven R. McQueen (grandson of the great Steve McQueen and star of “Vampire Diaries”), Elisabeth Shue (Leaving Las Vegas), Jerry O’ Connell (Tomcats), Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction), Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws), Jessica Szohr (Fired Up! ) ,Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future), Adam Scott (Knocked Up) and Kelly Brook (recently on the cover of Playboy). The film is the 3rd film in the series, with the first being released in 1978 and the second in 1981. A little known fact is that James Cameron directed Piranha 2: The Spawning. Apparently his role was diminished though and he likes to consider The Terminator to be his first film.

Does plot really matter when it comes to a film of this nature? Well, if you really care, an earthquake occurs at the beginning of the film which opens up a passage way to a lake underneath Lake Victoria. Lake Victoria is a popular summer/spring break spot where high school graduates go to party. The lake underneath Lake Victoria is the home to thousands of pre-historic Piranhas that were wiped off the face of the earth over two million years ago. They have survived all of this time because of cannibalism and now they are back to feast on all of the college kids who have ventured to Lake Victoria for the summer. These are the original piranhas!

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Review by Tampabay

Hands down and body parts floating, the most irresistibly sick movie in years is Piranha 3D, which should be retitled Piranha 3D, Double-D and C for all the topless cuties director Alexandre Aja feeds the fish and audience.

This flick is Guignol at its grandest, with possibly the most gallons of fake blood ever smeared across the screen. Each crimson drop has something in mind besides nausea, and that’s the rush of giving viewers a better reason to gag. I’m ashamed to admit how much Piranha 3D made me shake with laughter, or what exactly prompted it.

Like the almost final words of a sexist pig deserving what he gets (and where he gets it), followed by a shocking sight gag with no fewer than five punchlines. Or else a snapped cable shearing a sunbather diagonally so her left side slowly slides off. Even without bloodshed, you can’t beat a nude underwater opera ballet featuring misplaced pole dancers holding their breath for several minutes.

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